Malted Milk

blahg

2007-03-26T22:34:00.000-05:00

i miss my old blog. it was so much more anonymous than my MySpace one. maybe i will post here again. but then, everyone will get all confused and not know where to go and probably end up not reading.
My body hurts. I keep telling it it needs to work the fuck out, but no. it's in revolt. i am tired. i want to go to the gym at 6 in the morning. we'll see if that happens.

gonads

2006-10-06T15:17:00.000-05:00

I went out on a date last night. Here's a little back story about it:
My last Saturday in the store, this guy comes in and starts small talking me, about the weather. I told him if it was really important, I could look up the weather for him. He said "Oh, no, I was just making small talk." Then a line formed and he left. Whatever, nothing different. I talked to guys all the time.
On my last night there, he came in again. This time it wasn't busy at all. So we chatted a bit. I told him it was my last day there and he asked me out for a drink. I was like "Sure!", gave him my number. I liked the fact he asked me in front of my co-workers and other customers. That took balls.
Fast forward to last night.
We went to Silvertone for dinner. I wasn't terribly hungry, so I got bruchetta and ate maybe half. But I was drinking Maker's on the rocks, so I had to eat something. We had a good time chatting, at least I did. It was the regular first date talking about family, school, etc. I though he was 28, but he's 30. He thought I was 24, but I'm 30. He likes my style, thinks it is cute (after telling my roomies I felt generic looking before I left). So he paid, and asked if I would like to go somewhere else for another drink. I figured, why not, he seems interesting enough to continue the date.
He moved to Boston a few months ago (from the North Shore) and doesn't know it too much, so I took him to the Parker House lounge. I knew it would be quiet and we could sit in comfy chairs and not have to dodge lame people like at Bean Town Pub. Of course, it was exactly how I thought it would be: old folks and a big couch for us. We sat and talked more.
Then he says "I have a confession to make."
I'm thinking, great, something fucked up.
He says "The night I went in the store, the night I bought that wine and I asked you out?"
"Yes?"
"Well, I didn't go in there to buy anything. I went in to see if you were working and to talk to you if you were."
I think my jaw dropped.
"Seriously??"
"Yes, seriously. I went in to see you. I had been in there a few times before we talked and saw you and knew I wanted to talk to you."
I was speechless.
So he walked me to the train and wanted to kiss me, and I told him to give me a little one (I have issues with slightly drunken first date kisses) and he did, and it was sweet and quiet. I'd like to see him again, and when I asked if he would like to, he said "Absolutely!"
He's courting me, and it's cute.

It took balls for him to ask me out in front of people, and it took balls to make that confession. He seems really open and honest about his feelings, which is all new and rather ballsy to me. So he has a nickname. I shall call him huevos.

in the game

2006-10-02T15:18:00.000-05:00

I have a tentative date on Wednesday. This guy came into the store a couple weeks ago and small talked me. Then he came in on my last night and asked me out for a drink (after I told him that it was my last night working there).
I interviewed him.
He's an engineer, specializing in HVAC (heat, vent, AC), went to Tulane and has his masters. Geeky cute. He's from Danvers. He seems alright. We chatted on the phone the other day and it wasn't weird or forced, so that's a plus. We were talking about drinks and an appetizer on Wednesday after work, but I am thinking that drinks sound cliche. Plus I really don't like drinking on a first date, it leads to impaired judgement and then, well, I end up thinking someone is cool and hot until I see them for date 2. It is supposed to be totally gorgeous that day, like 80, so maybe I'll suggest iced coffee and a stroll in the public gardens, split a pretzel or something. That sounds cute.
I need to pluck the 50 hairs on my chin. And my mustache. Tonight.

Fridge saga

2006-09-25T12:43:00.000-05:00

Our fridge is way too small. I called the apartment manager, and he said it is 17 cubic feet, and I am sure he feels that is big enough. HELL NO it isn't! There are 4 grown women sharing this apartment, not a family of four. Huge difference. Our last fridge was at least 20. I called him and told him it was more like 10 cubic feet, and he said to call him with the model number and he would "look into it". See, here's the thing...I don't know how to make it seem as if I am not grumping over nothing, that the thing actually IS too small for four separate people with four separate grocery lists and four separate lives. That we didn't want bigger or fancier, but a working replacement of the last busted out fridge. A replacement that is the same size, not a downgrade. One roomie is looking at the old fridge, still on the corner, so I can look up the model number and size to have a bit of ammo.
Apparently, it doesn't matter that my life has pretty much revolved around working with refrigerators for the last 8 years or so.
I went ahead and called Sears' Contracter Sales department and had them cost out the fridge sizes for me. The fridge he got was $349. One that is closer to the same size is $549. What a cheapass. We knew he was going to scrimp on it, but that is rediculous. We couldn't even fit the food we took out of the old one into the new one when it came. HELLO!!!
How am I ever going to have dinner guests???
Where are we, the FOUR of us, supposed to store veggies?? Fruit??
This guy is really pissing me off.

bearded lady

2006-09-22T16:56:00.000-05:00

I walked into the house last night and a Bruen had started painting the living room...and it was orange. Not soothing, calm orange we had hoped for but ORANGE. In your eyeball, claustrophobic and the opposite of relaxing kind of orange. We're going to fix it by mixing it with white. Hopefully. I wish I was there when they bought it, but they decided to go darker as other colors they bought had come out light. Still, it's too much. I want to scratch my eyes out when I look at it.

I have hair on my chin and a moustache. I need a waxing like nobody's biz. Hmm, maybe the nail shop by my house does waxing, too.

I am excited about going to NH to kayak for a morning with J! And I am excited about walking a 5K tomorrow morning with the Bruens. Hopefully, I can get home in time to shower and get to work by 3. My last Saturday at work!! Hells yeah!

my life now is poo

2006-09-17T14:03:00.000-05:00

I am tired and frustrated and lonely. I wish I had more time to do things like clean and cook and, oh, I dunno...shower?

I was talking to KP about her fiance and she was telling me how awesome it is to be with someone she finds totally amazing and how it shoks her a bit that he feels the same way. And I've felt that and told her I understood. It made me a little sad when she said "With the chemist, eh?"
No, with Toby the cat. Of course the chem. I feel like I am never going to feel like that again becasue, honestly, I am not easily impressed nor amazed by the opposite sex. I usually find them childish and slightly droll, living a lie of sporting dreams or narcicistic. There's nothing like a guy who lives and dies by the Sox asking me if I like his arm muscles while checking his hair in the reflection in my glasses.
Poop.

i am getting boring in my old age

2006-09-04T12:22:00.000-05:00

All I really wanna do is come up with a fun and random thing to research and write a blog about, like Mary Baker Eddy or the Shelf Life of Table Grapes. But I can't now, I have to read about maternity nutrition.

Stupid babies. Stupid effective parasites.

I am usually much funnier, I crack myself up all the time.

I have 3 new roommates who are all also funny. They are all related to each other. Sisters, actually. I like how I live with people who can be completely blunt with each other as it makes me feel at home with my bluntness. It makes me miss my stupid bitch of a sister.

eye candy

2006-08-27T15:29:00.000-05:00

I am having a bit of a dilemma.
I think my manager at Job 2 is really cute and smart and funny, and he has my same sense of humor. I think about what his thighs might look like and hetook his glasses of today which normally doesn't do anythign for me, but I had to try not to stare. I never succeed when I try not to stare. Work is fun. I don't like to dip my pen in the company ink, though. And he just started dating someone. I can't tell if his comments to me are meant to be just playful work ones or if there is some truth behind them.
He doesn't eat vegetables and is allergic to cats. He's 25 going on 40. What is with me and all these deal breakers lately? Where is a man who will sit next to Mr. Meffin while eating a salad? Oh, he's in CA. There has to be more than one out there.
Then there is the topic my girl R brought up to me -- Am I missing having The Chemist or am I missing having someone? There's a big difference, and I think it is the latter.

rings and tears

2006-08-21T13:12:00.000-05:00

Well, the Beer Twins are now engaged. I am so happy for them, I have never known another couple who I am this happy to see married. I am also incredibly jealous and sorry about my own love life. I mean, I don't want marraige, per se, but I feel the void. I want to share my experiences with someone. I like to be alone, I like to travel and dine solo, etc. Now that I have myself mastered, for the most part, I want to share the fun things I do, to talk about them with someone who I respect and actually give a shit about.

I talked to The Chemist last night. I asked him if I could visit in Feb. Far away, but a good time to be sick of winter and enough time to clear out schedules. Then today I realized that we haven't seen each other in 6 months, and sent an e-mail asking to get together sooner. I also told him I felt like the one who always brings up the idea of visiting and to please tell me what he thinks about it (visiting). I wonder if he will e-mail me back about it. I doubt it.

I feel very weak, like I am putting hope on a sinking ship. I compare every man I meet to him, and I know I have to stop doing that but it is so hard. Maybe I should listen to myself and cut off contact with him altogether, in order to get over him. I know that what gets me is the "what ifs?"-- what if he stayed, where would we be? what if i go there and he is not interested? It's the what could have been, the unknown, that gets to me.

I'm actually kind of lonely, to tell the truth. I'm glad my new housemates are single, too, and that we all like to exercise and cook, keep each other on track, respect privacy and solo time. I miss having a man in my life, though. I never ever missed it before as my relationships before were juvenile and unhealthy. I went for 4 years as a single woman, loved it. The we met and after date 2, that was it -- I was a goner. Hooked. And then he moved away right when things were picking up momentum. When he told me he was going, my knees buckled. I cried only a little, once, about it in front of him. I didn't want to cry, maybe it was a show of weakness, of vulnerability. Showing him that although I said I understood and supported him in his decision, which I do and did, I also didn't want him to leave my side. I cried a lot by myself. I told him this, I don't know if he gets it. I could cry right now about it if I allowed myself to and I am not much of a crier.

Hellaware

2006-08-11T07:05:00.000-05:00

I am gettting my shit together for the trip down to Delaware tomorrow. Basically, finishing this project which is WAY more involved than I thought it was. Nice how I procrastinated. I called in yesterday, I was so damn tired and feeling like crap. I worked on it, took a nap, worked more, went to Job 2, went home, worked, passed out. I am very lucky that I am at work now and am able to finish it, and print it.

I kind of wish I was heading down there by myself, instead of with Wailing. She is very sweet and very funny, but I still would prefer to be alone. Hopefully, she'll let me sleep - at least to NYC. It's good that I am going with her, though, for her sake. She is from China and is a little overwhelmed with the whole travel process. Just becasue it isn't your normal get on a plane, land in a big city thing. More like get on a bus, transfer, arrive in a small city and take a shuttle to a smaller town, check into a dorm and find a meet n greet reception at another hotel. I made all the travel arrangements, and she is very thankful. I would be, too, if I was in China and she was helping me out.

I just hope I can get some alone time to run when I am there. There's a state park right next to where we are staying, I hope to hike the Mason Dixon Trail - the actual MD line extending into PA. Yippie!

dating 101

2006-08-08T23:16:00.000-05:00

I just do not understand how someone can be very cool, easy to talk to, share similar interests and phobias, be intelligent and interesting to me...and not call. I can't shake it. I know I need to forget about it as it seemed "wine tasting" really was code for getting his fingers warm.

I miss the chemist. We've been having fantastic conversations lately. I don't know what shifted, but I went through about a week of letting it go. Not thinking about it, and it proved to be worthwhile; we have been more open about feelings with each other than ever. I also hung out with GEM (see above) and had dinner with the No-Rider, and although neither panned out at all they were both ego boosts. I do not plan on seeing the No-Rider again, as a date, becasue it was not...interesting to talk to him. But I know he is in my next race, so I feel like I can't just ignore him. Anyway, I will tell him I am not interested. Unlike some people, I am honest about things like that.

fighting blue cocks

2006-08-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

I think it is time to start writing on Malted again. MySpace is super public (duh).
I am annoyed with my lack of time and with my procrastination. I have that shit due in Delaware on Saturday and it is NOT done...looks like Thursday will be full of it instead of running!

Have I told all of you how much I hate Delaware? Yes? Good, just so you know how I feel.

spring fling

2006-04-25T12:28:00.000-05:00

AAAahahhh. Spring. The time when all flowers bloom, the sun feels warm and brains begin to turn off. Like mine!
I told MD about the little person, how he has a crush on me. He asked me why I was telling him that - I told him because I don't know what to do, how to let him down without crushing or sounding mean or shallow. I explained how he smokes, doesn't like animals and doesn't drink...to which MD responded "Does he know you AT ALL??"
I found that funny.

I kind of want him to come down next weekend, and kind of don't care. We'll see. I'm horny. Still. Ppssshhhh, I guess its true what they say about women and their sex drives increasing with age...look out 30!!

the big top

2006-04-12T19:46:00.000-05:00

I ran into the little one again at the library today. I hope he doesn't think I am stalking him. I really need to use the computers.
He asked me what I am doing on Saturday, and I told him I am going to a show (which is true). He said he wanted to invite me to a show, at TT's which is right next to Mid East Up which is where I will be rocking out to The Rudds. He invited me to hear Beat Circus, which is crazy experimental circus music with many instruments. It reminds me of The Hammertoes or Flam Chen back in AZ. I don't know, I really didn't give him an answer except to say "Okay" when he said he wanted to hang out before I graduate.

A midget asked me on a date to go hear circus music. Am I the only one who sees irony in this?

He's just so...little

2006-04-12T07:22:00.000-05:00

I've been blogging on MySpace, since almost everyone I know is on there and can read it all as they please.
I had to come back here though for a very special blog, one that I can't make public for fear of sounding more shallow than I actually am.
There's a guy at school who has a crush on me. And he's a little person. Yes, a little person (what we used to call midgets). He's 4 feet tall, and getting his masters in library science. He works in the library at the refrence desk, so I have talked to him before and he has helped me get stuff when I couldn't figure out how to.
I went with J for drinks for her friend's birthday, another future librarian, and he was there. J came up and told me she was told about the crush and that she said I was seeing someone. Good, I thought, I am saved!
But I am not saved.
He found me on MySpace and messaged me. I'm not mean, and he is funny, so of course I sent him an e-mail back. As far as I know, he doesn't know I know. Which is why I am posting this here and not there.
Then, yesterday, I was in the library and he was working. I said hi and went to set my computer up. He came over and told me it was time for a study break (after over an hour). He said "We are going to read a story for your break," I was like, "Um, okay?" and he said "We are going to read THIS..." and then proceeded to read Ferdinand the Bull to me, a children's book from back in the day.
Now, I found it to be very sweet. If he was not a midget, I would have been all melty and touched with sentiment and overwhelmed with the cuteness of it all. But I just can't get over it, the littleness. And that's too bad because I am shallow like that.

He is also a smoker who doesn't drink, and anyone who knows me knows that I can't be around non-drinking smokers. So I think that makes it easier if he ever asks me out. That's like, my opposite. Smoking is croaking.

loop de loop

2006-03-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

I went to Picco today to hash out a deal for my birthday party. Looks like people will have to pay about $7 each for it, which is good. Maybe less if I knock out a bottle of wine. They gave me several wine tastes because they know I like good wine, even after I had decided on the ones I want. Now I have a head change. I was planning on not drinking until the beer/pizza tasting on Monday, and working on my paper tonight, but now I don't know what to do. I feel tired, I ran a lot and lifted weights today so I'm really actually tired, but the wine went STRAIGHT to my head since I tasted it after exercise and eating lunch. It was about one glass worth, and I am all loopy. Maybe I will make dinner and chill out and go to bed early, then work on the paper before the Mapparium tomorrow.
I can't synergize information when it's all merged together from tiredness.
Am I making excuses? It sounds like it, but I was invited out to drinks by two different people I ran into today and turned them down so you KNOW I was actually planning on working tonight.
I will just do Patho, then.
I have to do something other than watch a movie. I feel like such a slacker.

Sayonara

2006-03-21T21:15:00.000-05:00

What a day. I have a head cold and missed an important section of an exam. And I was mean with frustration to J when I saw her right after. Sorry, J. I know I was mean.

I was riding the bus home, thinking about the miserableness of my life for today and I thought of The Chemist, if I was ever going to hear from him again. I realized that I feel neutral about it either way. I wouldn't be sad if he didn't, I would only be disappointed in the person he really is instead of the one I thought he was. I took a deep breath and realized I am okay with all of it, it kind of cleared my head. We had some good times and that was what it was meant to be. It's time to let it go. As soon as I exhaled, MD called.
I was like woah. This is random. As soon as I feel okay about letting go, the same millisecond, the other aryan calls me. Just to say hi. To see how I am, since we hadn't talked for a few days. Wow, what a concept: calling me to see what's up. Is it random or the universe stepping in? Again.

Of course, I am in doubt about his true motives. All of his ex-girlfriends have been F I N E. Like BO-DAMN. So I can't help but wonder what it is about me that he sees (aside from my breasts). I think I am quite pretty, bright, funny, witty, good in the kitchen, good with money. I think I am a pretty damn good catch, if you ask me. Yep, tooting my own horn but it's all true. But I am nothing at all like anybody he's had a relationship with. Maybe he is just trying out something different, or perhaps he's attracted to my brain. Maybe it's becasue he tried for over 2 years before I let him touch me. Who knows.

And I don't know if I want to ask, either.

phones

2006-03-19T18:30:00.000-05:00

Okay, enough is enough. I called The Chemist yesterday in the late morning (his time) and here it is, the next night, and I have heard nothing. You know what? I'm all set. Really. I don't want to be with somebody who doesn't take my feelings into acount with their actions, or lack thereof. I know he's dealing with a lot, that he's figuring out how to get back to his normal self. I don't think I am selfless enough to allow him whatever he needs in order to do that, meaning I still expect some form of contact. I am going to not contact him and see how long he takes, if at all. This is annoying and is like a game.
How come I get much better response from MD? He calls back. He calls me. Maybe because our relationship has taken another step, but he always was like that and was always really open with his feelings, even when it made him uncomfortable to tell me all. I was telling one of the Beer Twins last night about him when she asked how it was going, and she said it sounds like I am feeling less platonic about him. I stopped for a second and said she was right, I'm beginning to like him more than I wanted to.
Great.
Just fanfuckingtastic.

rainy day

2006-03-14T07:54:00.000-05:00

Here I am, sitting in a classroom listening to two older nursing students COMPLAIN about their classes; they're hard, they take a lot of time, they have to do fieldwork, there's no stapler in here, they get tired, they didn't do well on their exam. I'm like, shut up. Just stop bitching. Did you expect this to be easy? Would you learn as much or appreciate your hard work as much if it was? If you want easy, go to UMass or something. I know I gripe about classes, but I also know that if it was easy, it would be a sham.

I am PMS-ing. I feel melancholy and down and the day is gray and damp anyway so it fits my mood. It's a good day to read a book and snuggle by a fire. Today is the last day I am going to TA, too, as I gave up my spot so I can work on my projects during this time. I'm glad. Although I like it, it really takes too much time to do, time I could easily write in the library.

I called The Chemist 3 times in the last 2 days and he has not called me back. I e-mialed him this morning about stalking him due to my PMS-ness and melancholy-ness and how I want to canoodle with him. I just don't know what to do about him. Nothing? Leave it at that? Stop calling him, contacting him? See what he does? I wish I could make him be an open person. I know it takes time together (actually, physically together) to reach that level, and we were getting there before he moved. It makes me sad to think that this may be over, that I have been holding onto an idea that will never come to fruition and assuming that there's mutual feelings on both sides. He made a point in telling me that he wouldn't have invited me out if he didn't have feelings for me, but I can't help but put my expectations onto him -- the things I expect someone to do when there are real feelings (like call me). They really aren't unreasonable.

I know that as soon as I give up my expectations, I am settling for less. I did that already and it gave me nothing but a big pain in the ass. I suppose I am lonely again. It will pass, but it stinks for now.

yay

2006-03-12T14:43:00.000-05:00

I love the liberry on a Sunday afternoon! I can actually work! It's quiet! Simmons' library is never quiet. Girls always think the "no cell phone" signs don't apply to them ad that "quiet study area" means you can talk, not yell.

AAAAahhhh. Love it.

Thanks J

2006-03-11T22:33:00.000-05:00

I would like to take this first moment here and personally thank J for making me paranoid and slightly moralistic. Your mom would be so proud, J!

I deleted several well written, although juicy, posts because I can't have my dirty panties out for the world to see. I just wanted to remain sort of anonymous, but there's a chance that people reading this may not be the people I want reading it, so I will just have to keep it clean from now on. Or change the blog address, but I really like Malted Milk.

Grrrrr.

San Diego

2006-03-08T17:37:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh, San Diego. Today, my last day, is the first non-cold day. I have to work on a power point presentation for 390, but I am going to the beach, with a camera, soon. I have to. I need to feel some sand and sun before I freeze back in Boston until June.

The Chemist. Well, he and I have been acting like a regular old couple. We haven't been tearing each other's clothes off every second we can, but we have been sleeping in each others' arms, waking up in them, and holding hands on the beach, talking, etc. At first, I was dismayed about it, the lack of sex, thinking there must be someone else or something was wrong (aside from the depression). I was feeling un-wanted. His mom came into town on the way to her annual golf extravaganza in Palm Springs, and I made dinner and met her last night. I made fish tacos, Spanish rice, salad and fresh asparagus. I was nervous and thought I should have made something better, but he told me it was all fine and that she had nothing but good things to say about me. And that I did just fine even though he knew I was really nervous. She's really quite pretty and he looks just like her. She's a nice mom. She told me that she knew he was sure glad I was visiting, so that made me feel a little warm becasue it means he talks to his mom about me. They're really close and I know that her opinion means a lot to him, and so far I get the thumbs up. Neat. I want to stay here, not because I like it here but because I like him and I want to be with him for, like, y'know, real and be a couple and fall in love and stuff.

I love VH1 Classics. I just watched live Billy Idol and The Clash. YAY. Off to the surf, dude.

hasta

2006-03-02T20:03:00.000-05:00

Here I am, sitting in front of the computer and wondering what the hell to pack for my trip. I don't know where my bathing suit is, but at least I think I can get by with a small suitcase as I don't have to bring a sweater or anything.
I am very excited to get out of the cold and be met in the balmy winds by a devastatingly handsome man. Then off to In and Out to eat, if I am hungry, to once and for all disprove my prior disappointing In and Out experiences. I know, I am the only one on Earth who has never had good food there. Whatever. I kind of want to get the food and eat it sitting outside in the back of his truck, maybe near the coast to hear the waves and smell the briny blue.
I must pack and organize my studies for the week.

2006-02-28T22:09:00.000-05:00

http://www.myspace.com/adrienew

You know, if you're bored.

May is soon!

2006-02-28T21:48:00.000-05:00

Dear Birthday Fairy,

I know I haven't asked for much the last couple of years except for health and happiness and the occasional sex romp. I feel as if I have been very patient and understanding, you are a very busy fairy and you have many other, younger and more eager to please, clients. I am sure they are far less bitter, too. However, none of them will truly appreciate or remember if you grant their wishes. You and U both know that Malibu Barbie is only memorable for so long. With that said, here is a list of what I would like for my 30th birthday. I am submitting this draft early enough to ensure proper time to organize, and please bear in mind that because this is a draft the contents can change at any time.
1. A pizza party with all of my friends, including wine and ice cream sundaes.
2. A large bunch of multicolored balloons.
3. A bouquet of flowers from someone far away, doesn't matter who.
4. Breast implants (ha! just kidding...making sure you are still with me)
5. Rent control.
6. A Tag watch, the Aquaracer with the silver band NOT the multimetal one
7. Groceries for a year.
8. A bartender at a local to give me a free drink every time I walk in.
9. Maid service for the rest of my life.
10. A secret admirer.

That's all for now. Thank you and I will be in contact soon.

Cheers,
A!

tick tock

2006-02-20T16:56:00.000-05:00

I decided I want a TAG Heuer watch for my birthday/graduation. And, of course, the one I really like is $1500. There's another one that I like, too, for about $800. I just like them, they're long lasting. They're sporty and classic and waterproof and I can wear it jogging or out to dinner.

want want want.

I don't have a watch, birthday fairy...

My mother, the disordered eater

2006-02-18T12:01:00.000-05:00

It's official. I am a geek. I can't help it. I realized today as I was working on a HIV case study for my Medical Nutrition Therapy class (aka. Patho) just how much I dig it. I never thought I would be a fan of clinical nutrition, but each case is like a riddle to me, something to be worked out and figured using reasonable thought progression and known values weighed with unknown values. I think I will be much better at it in the field, than, say, community nutrition like wellness programs or the like.
I think it's because in clinical, there's numbers to be worked on. And talking to a client, you can figure where some of the numbers come from without having a doctor diagnose it first. I mean, if you see high cholesterol and the Dr hasn't written hypercholesteremia in the chart yet, but the patient tells you they don't eat vegetables or whole grains, you can figure that low fiber intake may play a big part in that number and act accordingly.
It's rad.

What gets me, though, is that I have a hard time with helping friends and family without sounding condescending. I would much rather people go to a dietitian who does not know them personally because they would get much better care than from me. It's only because of the familiarity, not because I have less knowledge. And also, my mother is always trying new fad diets she finds online and doesn't listen to me when I suggest alternative plans (because it turns out I always suggest the same things to her because it is what she needs for her current status). It is quite hurtful, actually. I mean here I am, working my brain out learning all of this kickass stuff about nutrition (and I like to think I am pretty good at it), and she supports the fact I am in school and all...yet she doesn't listen to me regarding the topic I have chosen as my career. It's almost as if she feels it doesn't pertain to her. Like I am making it up or something. Right now, she isn't eating any whole grains because she read online that cutting them out will reduce her belly fat. She eats them one day every 14 days.
1. You cannot spot-reduce fat areas of your body. Weight loss is an overall process.
2. Your body needs the insoluable fiber found in grains; it makes you poop regularly and keeps you feeling fuller longer as well as slowing the rate of carbs turning to sugars.
3. By denying your body of the benifits of whole grains, a re-introduction of them will cause your body to store them instead of using them as energy. Basically: THEY GO STRAIGHT TO FAT.

Could someone, please, tell me why she won't listen to me and eat a fucking cup of lentils every few days?? LENTILS!! They have a low glycemic index (turn to sugar veeerrrry slowly)!!! High fiber! High protein! She won't do it and it makes me worry.

She's a brat.

the saga

2006-02-17T15:18:00.000-05:00

The latest chapter in the saga....

The Chemist called me on Tuesday night. As it turns out, he has been depressed. Not just "Oh, gee, I feel down today, " but DE-pressed as in "I need to take time off work becasue I am gettting nothing done and need some help. I will just sit here and try to figure it out alone because nobody wants to hear about it"
He apologized for not calling me or responding to correspondance, he said he hasn't been in contact with anyone at all. Then he told me that he feels like an ass because he knows I am the one person he can call and should call if something like this happens. He is getting a doctor. We talked a bit, then he asked me if I was still going to visit him soon. I said of course and he said he misses me and his feelings for me haven't changed.

I asked him if he got my mean e-mail, and he said no. I told him to just erase it and not read it, and he said he deserved whatever it said. I agreed, but asked him to delete it anyway.

I wish I could help, but I am not a professional and all I can offer him is support and an open ear. I sent him another letter of support and I left a "You can do it!"sort of voice mail but way less cheesy than that.

It really freaks me out and worries me about how down The Chemist may be and how he is alone out there. Some of you may alreday know the story, but my first friend in Boston, Bill, was really depressed and ended up killing himself. I never knew how bad it was and I would have gone with him to the clinic to get some help or listened or been there or done whatever he needed to get a little better. But I didn't have thise options because I didn't know; nobody knew. They found him hanging from a tree down by the river, a note in his pocket saying he didn't want services he wanted to be forgotten. So when people close to me get truly depressed for a long period, I worry and get a kind of sick sad feeling in my chest.

I can't remember if The C knows about Bill. Maybe. I can't wait to go there and give him a very loooong hug and kiss him on the top of his head and stroke his hair.

Jerky

2006-02-14T21:00:00.000-05:00

I am getting a hand cramp from the tiny handwriting my hand written letter of intent requires. So it is blog time.

The Chemist is on the downward spiral. There still has been no call back and I basically put it all out there in an e-mail today. As G said "You pretty much said "I NEED A RESPONSE FROM YOU" to him."
Yep.

So, either I will get a response or I will not and that will be the response. Who doesn't read their e-mail every day??? I just hope to hear before it costs too much to switch my plane tix to somewhere fun like Portland (OR, not ME).

I really liked him, too. He was the most compatable man I have ever been with, but obviously not exactly compatable as he just stopped talking to me.

Asshole!

FLAKES

2006-02-12T16:09:00.000-05:00

Wow, it's a blizzard! I am snowbound today. Not that I was going to leave my house anyway, but now that I am forced to stay in I really want to go out there even though it is 1 degree.

You just can't win with me.

So I just spent a chunk of time working on the final criz-ap for my internship applications. I realized that in order to get in 400 hours at this one place, I have to be there for, like, 16 weeks or some shit!! Great. I don't think the RD is ready for that. Actually, I am going to see what she says on her forms...I think she thinks it is 10 weeks like the last intern...who was full time...and I am part time...fucking kill me!! I will see her tomorrow when I go into the slush of Boston and pick up the forms. And be super cool and nice and use my velvet voice to see where she stands on that.

I could also do my best to get her to agree for now, then fill in what hours she can't do somewhere else like Community Servings or whatever. SOMEBODY, PLEASE, JUST DO THIS ALL FOR ME SO I ONLY HAVE TO FOLLOW ALONG LIKE A SYLLABUS!!!!!!!

oh boo to the hoo

2006-02-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

I am lonely. Wicked, wicked lonely. I don't know if PMS has a part of it, but probably. I am debating ordering a pizza when not hungry, so it must have PMS in it. But, shiiiit...I really wish I had someone to share my days with. Even a decent roommate at this point, even though I love living alone.

Yes, it has come that far.

I miss being hugged on a regular basis. Even Toby's snuggle purrs aren't cutting it. And now I realize I should probably save this for my hard-copy journal. Whatever. maybe it will make people want to visit me more.

:)

Mujeres!!!

2006-02-11T12:23:00.000-05:00

Wow, was yesterday ever the day for great things to happen to good friends of mine!

1. G was given a fat chunk of a bonus and a raise at a job she hates but uses for money and free education. Go G! Work that system!

2. K-Cuz was offered a consulting spot in Bangledesh for 5 weeks in April-May consulting on food security and home issues for an Irish non-profit. I'm glad I know a future legislator!

3. P was accepted into her first choice for law school. After she finishes her BS in chem/pharm in May, she will go of into pharmacy law. If I ever need a lawyer having to do with pharmaceuticals, or an insider, I'm glad she was my lab partner throughout chemistry courses!

They all rock!! These women just plain ROCK!!!!

I wanna rock.

beginning to loathe

2006-02-09T17:06:00.000-05:00

DUUUUDE.

I am getting so wary of The Chemist. Something is wrong, I feel it in my gut. I learned to listen to my intuition from wishing that I had in several situations. I sent an e-mail yesterday, with no response. That is not normal and just rude, if you ask me. There is either a huge family issue, he isn't into this anymore, he's self-absorbedly busy or he has a girl and doesn't know how to tell me. I have never asked because I have been afraid to hear the answer, but shiiiiit....I have to be the grown up and suck it up. Then I can be sad and get over it instead of prolonging it by wondering. I am going to call him on Sunday. Sunday because I am busy every night/day until then and it also gives him the benefit of the doubt...becuase I am nice like that and that is what I would want someone to do for me.

I am waiting for three of my people to fax their info over for my internship and I am beginning to worry about one of them!! I will call her tomorrow. The due date is Tuesday....

I really want to have a kick ass semester and learn a lot. I already am, I just have this internship on my mind and so I am not devoting 100% effort to school. I will as soon as I certify mail those applications!!

bullwhip

2006-02-07T21:10:00.000-05:00

I went to the Hebrew Rehab Center today...and they will give me a few weeks of clinical rotations!!! YAY!! I feel a little more relieved. I called the woman who I couldn't get ahold of at the Head Start and she is almost finished with the paperwork. That makes me feel MORE relieved. I should have everything in place, as much as I can, by Sunday. OMG. Phew.

I had a portion of a project due today, and I spaced it. I will do/post it in the morning as I am going out with J tonight to hear some band. For free. She's the one with the hook up this time!

I measured my waist tonight and found it to be one inch larger than last month. That's impossible. I almost freaked out, then realized I am PMS bloated and just went to a core conditioning class so my muscles are bulgy. So I stopped the freak out in mid spaz and heated up the last of the most delicious veggie winter minestrone I made. It is so good, and sooooo easy. I want to send the recipe and directions to G&S back in Phx. They will be in love with it and they can make it themselves from scratch-ish. It is also gluten-free and so J can join the next time I make it, which shall be soon.

I must crack the whip tonight and not drink and crack it again in the morning to do my project. CRACKEDY CRACK CRACK PUTA!!! DO YOUR SHIT.

feelin' loving and smooshy

2006-02-05T13:35:00.000-05:00

I woke up at 8:30 today and went to the supermarket. Shaw's on a Sunday morning is a SUPER market. There are very few people there and everything is fresh out of the oven or in the case. I befriended the seafood and bakery managers becasue they had time to talk. This is something I have been looking to do for some time now. They both gave ne their cards and told me I could call in ahead of time and they would set the best bread/fish of the day aside for me. God, I fucking love Boston. I should write a letter to the store manager about them. I think I will, actually. There is too little positive communication about employees out there and I always do my best to let managers know when an employee goes the extra friendly mile. I had a customer do that for me once and it made my week.

I am going to K-Cuz's for a Superbowl party this afternoon with a salad: romaine, red bell pepper, artichoke heart, carrot, cucumber. I made a vinegarette of red wine vin, feta, garlic and rosemary. I hope people like it. If they don't I'll eat it anyway. I like it, otherwise I wouldn't bring it. And I am finessing my letter of intent for my applications while drinking a beer (okay, two beers).

I miss my friends far away. I wish I could introduce you all because I know you would all get along and laughter would ensue and we could end up pee-ing in our Victoria's Secret panties. I've been thinking of when that could happen, and even though my 30th is coming up, I know that isn't enough to bring people across the country. I realize now that a wedding will be the time. Well, sisters (and brother or two) you'll just have to wait a while to meet.

Ouch

2006-02-03T22:50:00.000-05:00

I am sitting here within a few hours I gave myself to eat dinner and watch a movie. Now it is time for bed and I began to think about The Chemist. I sent him a letter over a week ago because he was having a rough time and I wanted to make him feel a little better. We haven't talked in a couple of weeks, and I haven't been as consumed with it as I normally would be. Yes, of course I am completely consumed with what is going on in my life right now. Due to my high level of anxiety at this moment in time my hair has begun to gray and two of my teeth have cracked from stress-induced clenching. My dentist told me I need a nightguard and there are two special toothpastes I have to use now. Two. So I really don't have time to think about him. It has to be because I gave myself a window of rest right now that I realized it.
This is becoming a pattern. And it makes me mad that I have been accepting it.
The last time we saw each other, I told him regular contact was important to me. Even by e-mail. And he agreed to it; not as if it was pulling teeth or anything, he seemed to understand. But I wonder....what the hell am I doing? Why am I putting any energy towards this "relationship" when it really turns out I am the only one doing it? This isn't a relationship, it's something else and I can't think of the right definition right now. I am considering canceling my trip to San Diego over spring break. It doesn't feel right to go out there anymore. It may be time to throw in the towel because, hey, I don't feel as if I am special to him and I don't feel thought about. I don't feel as if he considers me a part of his life, present or future, at all. Now the question is do I still go to CA and tell him face to face or do I tell him over the phone? I am not so into the phone. See, my ex broke up with me over the phone when I was on M. Vineyard and he was in AZ. He waited until I was 3000 miles away, on an island, before he did it and I felt as if it was the most wimpy and low-balling thing to do -- he could have done it 3 days before when I was still in AZ to my face. I may be a lot of things, but spineless is not one of them.

I am going to let it go for now because I won't spend time on it. There is a big, bad world I am conquering and this is creating a diversion.

Thin Farts

2006-02-01T23:37:00.000-05:00

I am all kinds of cracked out on coffee, an elixer I took so I could bang out a paper I am not happy with nor do I feel I will ever be happy with. I need a writing tutor.

So I am done with it and am reading the NY Times online. The FDA approved a weight-loss drug, sold by prescription since 1999, to be sold OTC. As if we need another one of those. It's named Xenical, but the OTC name is Alli (prounounce ally...as in "this drug can be your ally"). The article says that "The drug produces moderate weight loss when combined with a diet and exercise plan." (um....wouldn't just sticking to the diet and exercise plan provide moderate weight loss?) Side effects include gastrointestinal problems. It said that 50% of the consumers had issuses with flatulence and 7% lost bowel function. The company, GlaxoSmithKline, suggests beginning treatment on a Friday to adjust to the medication before returning to work. They will also give advice on clothes that patients can wear to mask the potential problem. (with the rate of 50%, I would think the problem was more oncoming than potential) You have to take a multivitamin because it blocks absorption of some vitamins. Now, this is the NY Times, not a peer journal so I don't have all the facts; but this is what the public reads and will buy into.

I don't know what to say. I mean, I am being trained to be tactful and objective but things like this just frustrate me. It even makes me want to switch my major to pharmacy since there is so much money in the cure-all, make-it-okay-to-be-lazy pills.

SKOOL SUX

2006-01-30T21:37:00.000-05:00

I feel so shitty!! I have so much work to do for school and I don't even know how to tackle it!! I have this Social Marketing project to do online with students at a university in Toronto, and the first thing is due by FRIDAY and I don't even know how to begin...except I want to just complain on here. I know, shut up and do some work. Really frustrated, though. I kind of want to hire some kid to do it for me. PLUS I am having a rough time with setting up my clinical rotations...and there's 16 days left to the postmark due date...OMG, hear that? It's my life crashing all around me. I really wish I hadn't signed up to TA and run the study group now!!!!! Plus I have to teach nutrition classes once a week at Operation Frontline. That will be cool, but I am freaked out over the write up for it. FREAKED OUT.

furry meat

2006-01-30T00:33:00.000-05:00

I went to a grass-fed beef tasting tonight. There were 7 other people I knew who came (all of which I got a "student" discount for, thank you). It was goooood and fun and there were some fantabulous wines. I met a farmer. He took me for a drink. He's cute and bright and educated and kinda quiet. I gave him my 411 and he kissed me on the cheek. If he calls me, I will go out with him. Yes, I will. There's a few reasons why I would do this even though I really like
The Chemist and have a thing going with him. The primary reason is that The Farmer lives 45 minutes away from Boston. The secondary reason is that it is kinda exciting that I met a smart and handsome man. The third is that his forearms were so meaty from farm work I just wanted to grab them and bite them and molest them. You all may not know this about me, but I find the male forearm to be extremely sexy. Yes, really, No I am not kidding. Been this way for years and years. Oh my god, sitting at the bar I had to do my best to look at him when I spoke and not the forearms. They were furry, too, which means that there is probably chest hair...oooooohhhhhhhh....tooooo much for me to fantasize about right now. I wanted to run my hands around his body because he is seriously muscle, thick muscle, and (in my head) fur. I would never need a space heater again.

5K...why am I such a lazy ass?

2006-01-29T12:18:00.000-05:00

J and M came over for dinner last night and that was a fun fun fun and funny time. They make me laugh, and they like my food so it is all around good. And they brought the most eeeeevil of evils: pound cake and pistachio ice cream. I wanted to smear it all over my body and then roll around on my floor, picking up cat fur along the way in order to resemble a haystack cookie. A furry, sticky, nut-infused haystack cookie. I restrained myself and ate it instead.

I went running at the gym this morning.YAY to the fact my ID still swipes me into the Tufts gym. I then lifted a little weights, and jogged home. I don't feel as if I have really worked out, though. i mean, i was going to run for 35 minutes on the treadmill, then quit at 20. Then jogged the mile home, but...still. I feel like I gyped myself. I really need to get my class card from the Simmons gym so I can take core-conditioning classes on T/Th nights. I think that will really help me see a differene in my body shape. And, speaking of body shape, my boobs are getting smaller. I don't know if I have posted about it or not, but its true--they're shrinking. I can feel them getting gooshier and there is extra skin. I was leaning over in front of the mirror topless and they just hang there now, kinda flat-ish, as they're losing their round, bosom-like firmness I expect to see when I check out my rack. It really is slightly traumatizing. Now I wonder if I will be able to get insurance to pay for a reduction if I lose more weight in them.

slant eyes

2006-01-27T16:41:00.000-05:00

I just went and had dim sum with a girl in my program and her friends (all Chinese). They kept getting different things because they kept wanting me to try it all. MMmmm was it good...and full of sodium and FAT. Holy shit, I feel so puffy. I walked to Shaw's from Chinatown to get the juices flowing and then drank a bunch of H2O when I got home. I am going to a hockey game at Harvard tonight, I am excited. But I know I will be having beer and bad food. Ummm...looks like this is a night to pick the lesser of the evils.

Why do cats find me particularly snuggly when I am wearing a black sweater??

I also found out that my father is sick. Mentally sick. Really. I will go into more detail later, but it is kind of weird to digest.

never too late...

2006-01-22T18:15:00.000-05:00

I am beginning to get really upset with the chemist. I called him last night to say hi and to just hear his voice, and left a message. I called him again today to talk about visiting in March, and to see if the dates I want to go are okay. He hasn't called back. Right now, the Seattle football game is starting and I assume he is watching it. Fine, whatever. Go Hawks.
I really hope he calls me tonight, though. I told him on the message I have a crazy busy week ahead of me. I just don't like liking him so much. I wish I was indifferent about it. It would make it easier. The last time I had called him without him calling back, I sent him that e-mail about being upset and he called me that night. Well, I don't want to have to resort to that again because I didn't like doing it in the first place.

I was IMing with my friend G the other day and we were reminiscing about high school and stuff, about this guy I was going out with for a little while who I broke up with becuase he wrote me love poems and I didn't know how to handle it. He was so cute, and so sweet and so willing to put himself out there emotionally (at 14!!), I just hope that I didn't screw that up for him by being a bitch and breaking it off because of it. I still remember some of the things he wrote, and nobody has written me love poems since. I made it a resolution to find him this year and apologize somehow. I think I might have, too, on MySpace. There's a guy with the same age, name and all and it could be him but 15 years changes a person. He has really similar eyes, though (from a pic I still have of him), so I sent him a message asking if he went to high school in Phoenix. I am on pins and needles waiting for a response.

yawn

2006-01-20T21:32:00.000-05:00

At what point did I become addicted to the internet? I can seriously sit on here for hours, doing nothing.

I lost 1.6# this week.

I have so much work to do that I had to cancel my trip to NYC. Not that it is hard to get to NYC, or even far. I was even going to meet up with a friend from high school. I just have too much to do, including cleaning and organizing my rat nest of an apartment before the real hard semester sets in. That's Sunday and my friend will get over it. Tomorrow I am going to jog, make some soup and read some stuff. And take notes on it!! Yay notes! Maybe laundry.
Right now I am going to bed. I am reading "The Spirit Catches You and You Fall DOwn" for a class and it is great.

I want a scoop of butter pecan.

I also want to snuggle someone who is furry, but not as furry as my current bedmate and has less legs.

yawn

2006-01-15T11:01:00.000-05:00

Now I am tired...with 6 hours of work left. Of course this had to happen the day I work a double. I should close shop and take a cat nap.

I want pancakes and eggs.

Cabeza de Crack

2006-01-15T05:15:00.000-05:00

I woke up at 3 this morning and decided to lie there with Toby, caressing each other's faces, until 4 when I decided enough was enough. I have to work at 6:30, but it would have still been nice to sleep til 5. Maybe it's because I ran and lifted yesterday and had a minimal amount of caffeine. I'm not tired, yet. But, hey, there's really good music on WERS at this hour on a Sunday. Who knew? Apparently only crackheads.

I made a pot of coffee and a bowl of fancy oatmeal. Fancy because I added dried cinnamon apples, peanut butter and coconut. I am weighing myself when I get to work, after a 5 week scale hiatus. I usually don't eat first, but I was hungry. And it is not even 5:30 yet.

I need a trim. There's little rats nests at the tips of my hair when I ran my fingers thru just now. And man, do I ever shed after I wash my hair. I have to wear it back if I cook after the shower, otherwise I find surprises in the soup. Another reason I only shampoo twice per week...but, yes, I shower regularly. Oh, please, like I don't wash!

The Chemist called last Thursday, after reading the e-mail and apologized for having his head up his ass. We spoke at length yesterday. I might go to San D for a few days over spring break, and he wants to come out for my graduation in May. Plus, he may have to go to NYC in the next month or so. So that means I get to have sex a few times this year. And laugh, too.

soooo

2006-01-12T14:37:00.000-05:00

I am feeling quite whiny today. I think I am PMS-ing. I hope I am PMS-ing. I do not need any visits to Planned Parenthood in my future, thank you very much. Especially for un-planned things. I am so ready to take my leave of absence. I have a large...thing...on my cheek. It hurts like a zit, but there is no head forming and after a week, there should be SOMETHING. Maybe it is a cyst. Maybe I can pop it and lose 2#.

I signed up to run a 5K in March in Somerville. It is another way to keep me motivated at the gym with my running. I have had a hard time thinking of any resolutions for the new year, but now I have at least one and that is to run a 5K each month, starting in March. Yay me! I like to run. I'd like to wear a size 8 this year, too, but I am not going to add that to my new short list because, well, I think it's mean of me to do to me. I am a size 12 (in some things, 10) now.

I ended up e-mailing the chemist last night..."In all honesty, I am upset because you haven't called me. Yes, really. (insert bronx cheer)" and sent a pic of someone sticking their tongue out. That's it. Hopefully he's smart and will call me. If he doesn't, this shoulder can get soooooo cold.

Malted Milk: Resolution 2005

2006-01-12T13:12:00.000-05:00

I was rummaging around and found my resolutions from last year. Three kept outta five ain't bad, eh? Guess which ones!
Malted Milk: Resolution

stupid beer men!

2006-01-11T22:49:00.000-05:00

I went and met one of the beer twins for a couple pints tonight at Sunset and Pinky was there. There was also a brewery there pushing their "craft beers in a can", Oskar Blues Brewery out of CO. I was waiting for my friends to arrive, loking at the beer menu, when a guy walked right by me with a tray full of samples to a table of 4 guys. He then walked past me AGAIN up to another table of guys, asking them if they wanted to try it and pushing its greatness blah blah blah. I was slightly annoyed; obviously women in a beer bar wouldn't know what they were trying, must be waiting for their boyfriend. So when my friends arrived and we ordered a round I told them about it. They were of course displeased. SO...I turned to the guy who ignored me and asked him what was so special about the beer. He told me it was a plae ale that tasted like an IPA, that it was revolutionary, that when they won awards, they blew the others out of the water. I naturally asked how they could get away with calling an IPA pale ale. He didn't know, so I asked what he did and he, in his cheap shirt, was a marketer for the distributor here. I asked who actually worked there and he pointed at another guy and ran away. I turned to the other guy in the middle of his chomping on a chicken-on-a-stick and asked him how that was possible. (i am giving a very shortened version, just imagine me asking bright questions and this guy back pedaling and thinking really hard)
In a thick rural CO accent,"We like to color outside the box."
"I thought there was a pretty basic rule that when you make an IPA, that's what it is, you don't call it pale ale. What is done in the process to make it taste like an IPA, while still giving you freedom to call it a plae ale?"
"It's because we don't follow the rules. We make it our own way."
"How?"
"We aren't limited to a box. We don't want to be expected."
"But isn't that cheating to the public? How is it made to enable the brewery to do that? There has to be some special thing done when creating it."
"Yeah! We think outside the box."
Brilliant people they have marketing for them, obviously the cream of the crop. I told him that he may want to know these things because, well, he's selling a product. A product, mind you, I did not like because it tasted like an IPA (bitter hops). I wasted no time in telling him that I, a fan of plae ale, may have have ordered it and been very pissed because it didn't taste like a pale ale at all. He seemed shocked a girl could talk this way about beer. My friends gave me looks of "oh, snap!" after every question I posed. I FUCKING HATE IT when men, or women for that matter, assume someone of the opposite sex couldn't possibly understand their field. Fucking blow me.

(^%#&^%

2006-01-11T15:12:00.000-05:00

I have tried calling the chemist twice in the last 3 days now, and no answer. I am getting pissed!!! I want him to call me!! I have a feeling there is another fucking girl. Why, don't know. I know he is busy, and I am not right now, but FUCK, dude, I told him I wanted to hear from him once a week at least. I am thinking of calling him AGAIN, but that would be annoying. bastard. obvoiusly, he's just not that into me. nice.

Busy

2006-01-10T17:31:00.000-05:00

I am doing all of these fun things lately, and I suppose it is good because I am keeping busy. I need to work on my application, however I also need to work on my social life because it is so ignored during the semester. Friday was free Picco pizza, Saturday was Perdix and drinking, Sunday was pancakes, eggs and recovery. Monday was the Picco wine tasting, tonight J is coming over for dinner and a movie. Tomorrow I am meeting BAs at Sunset for a pint, Thursday is for T&B. Friday I'm hanging with J&M and friend and Saturday I work..and I guess that is where I begin this application!! I am such a slacker sometimes, I swear. Actually, I'm not as anyone who reads this knows. I'm glad I have a full dance card right now. It keeps me from pining too much.

My girl SW gave me a sorority talk about the chemist via e-mail today and it made me feel better. She rocks. I hope she gets her own place right when the air fares drop, if that ever happens anywhere outside of my dream land.

Picco oh oh oh!

2006-01-09T22:18:00.000-05:00

I just got back from Picco's first wine tasting event. It was lovely!! There were 6 wines, and the bottles were left to pour at will. There were appetizers: soprasetta and pepperoni, Italian bread, olives, grilled fontina sandwiches, polenta topped with wild mushroom ragout and a brisket served with slow cooked onions and carrots. Then a scoop of choice for dessert (mine was a vanilla, almond and pecan praline). Oh, and it was $12. Total. Yep. I have a feeling the others will not be as free flowing as this was the first, but I will keep my hopes up in the Picco tradition. I sat next to the husband of the wine distributor for the evening, he just retired from the Lowell Fire Department after 31 years, and GREW UP in Lowell, too. They travel to Italy several times per year which is perfect since I told them my Italy plans this summer. They both want me to contact them (and of course, i will) because they know several places off the beaten path where a girl (and maybe her favorite scientist) will be welcomed with open arms, bottles and kitchens. YAY!!!

off to bed.

farts

2006-01-08T21:44:00.000-05:00

WOW, my shoulder hurts. I went to yoga yesterday, and now it's painful to lift my arm. And my butt and the backs of my thighs hurt, too, but that is all expected. I have to go back to work tomorrow. BOOOOO. I have a Dr appointment, too, so they will just have to let me leave for an hour. I feel bloated. It could be from eating a pint of Ben and Jerry's low fat fro yo throughout the day, I am assuming that is the culprit. I went grocery shopping and only spent $80, which is great considering that I had nothin in the fridge but some old corn tortillas, an onion and eggs. Speaking of eggs, I have discovered the joy of poached eggs on wheat pancakes. I put the eggs on top then stab them so they run all over the pancakkes, then I eat it up. It is seriously so good and hella addicting. Good thing that nowhere around here sells wheat pancakes at brunch (I had it this morning with buttermilk ones, not the same and not as good).

I had dinner at Perdix last night, then went off to JP with the staff and got wasted. I stayed at my new friend H's place, and totally forgot to leave her a thank you note and my e-mail, she wants to talk to FPAN students about the program. Perdix is undergoing a remodeling, so it will have to wait until they open again. The food was great, of course: risotto with chantrelles and veal cheek, gorgonzola spinach, raw tuna wrapped in lettuce, panko and fried basil leaves with a sesame ginger sauce (a gift from the staff) and I drank a pinot gris from Oregon. Delish.

I am back to healthy eating and running tomorrow, I swear.

beer me

2006-01-07T18:20:00.000-05:00

I feel really gross, even though I just went to yoga. Ahhh, stretch. But, still, I feel yucky. An unpretty yucky, y'know? I don't know why. I am back in MA, and I am getting that lonely feeling because everyone is either out of town or has plans tonight. Everyone meaning the 4 people I know here. I kind of want to go out, too. I don't want to see a movie and there's no band I am interested in tonight. There's nothing going on, and I could go out and have a drink but I don't know. How boring I am.

I miss The Chemist. If he was here at least I would be entertained, at least I could have sex or play rummy or just sloth on the couch reading and sharing a bottle of red with him or laugh at another person's jokes; mine are funny, but I already know the punchlines . My love life is not fair. I mean, if we weren't supposed to be together, why is it so peaceful and normal when we are?

Tortillas

2006-01-05T18:26:00.000-05:00

I am still in AZ, and it is 78 degrees on January 5th. Gotta love it. For now. Xmas was good, we all had a chill day and decent food. The duck I made didn't turn out to my liking and I will never try that recipe again. Everyone else liked it, but I am now questioniong my utter fatith in Julia Child. I saw JG, a friend from high school, and DE, a friend from grade school and church and that was good. SV moved out of my mom's place, but I still got to hang out with her...when my NAZI mother didn't have us scheduled every 15 minutes. You may think I am kidding, but it is sad to say I am not. I was going to call my friend SA because GS was in Japan and I wanted to see him and give him the egg cooker I lugged all the way from MA, but from the hour I landed until the minute my sister left, my mother had us on a schedule. There apparently is no such thing as "sleep in" in her house, unless you feel that 8am is late. SO now I feel awful about not seeing some people, especially SA and their fur babies. I blame my mother.

The Chemist came into town the evening of 12/29. We rented an SUV and went camping from 12/30-1/3. It was awesome. Just the two of us camping and hiking. We went to Sycamore Canyon and then to Madera Canyon, hiked up to the base of Old Baldy and just had lovely times. We bonded, and we miss each other and genuinely care about each other. We still haven't used the love word yet, but I am okay with that because we are on the same page as far as feelings go. He is so sexy, smart, considerate and sentimantal. And he met my mom, grandpa and my mom's oldest friends and came out shining beautifully. yay!!!

I love my fuzzy-headed roly poly mother, too, and of course I allow her to make me crazy. CRAZY, I tell you. I will not go into details because that would be annoying, but I will fill you in on one. My sister always says that our mother is a pack rat and needs to purge all of the extra crap in the place. I didn't think of it...until I came back this time and was amazed that there were still piles of papers in the garage that were there before I moved three years ago. I helped her clean out the garage (I forced her to clean out the garage) and I had to be stern and slightly bitchy to get her to pick up the pace and stop reminiscing over ancient pamphlets. The woman has ADD, I understand it is hard to focus...it is amazing she was able to finish her PhD...she can't sit still for longer than 15 seconds (my sis and I timed her once). Love my mother, ready to fly back to my fur babies and my own place.

Xmas is stupid.

2005-12-19T18:03:00.000-05:00

Okay, here is one of the main reasons I don't like Christmas:

People who don't know you, because they never talk to you, feel obligated to send gifts just because you are "family". Look, I know this is about to sound bratty and ungrateful, but I do not care. I got a package from the ranch and it had things in it I would never buy for myself. Not because they are too expensive or because "Oh! I never though of that!" but because they are truly stupid items I would never use or consider spending money on. A book of comics (do I look like a 15 year old boy?). A santa stuffed thing and christmas plates (pet peeve #2 of mine: getting Xmas items for Xmas). A pastry blade (have one, thanks). AND, the best of all...an egg cooker. Yes, youread it right, an egg cooker. Now I can put 7 eggs in an electric thing and they will come out soft boiled, hard boiled or poached. I am so glad to get this because after spending $25K on culinary school, I never learned how to cook eggs. Phew, whata lifesaver!!

I am going to make eggs for dinner tonight and not use it, just for spite. After whatever was spent of the things and the $17.50 shipping, I would much rather just have the money. At least it would be used.

i need hiking shoes!

2005-12-18T07:46:00.000-05:00

I went up to Haverhill yesterday with some of the BAs. Took the commuter rail up there, we went to The Tap and had some yummy beers. A white, an ale, a Belgian style, an amber, a gross apple thing, a disappointing English style (the only two that I didn't like) and a new one named Knecht Ruprecht, which wasn't ready but was thick and syrup like. I ate a hamburger and it was good. Not just because it was a burger, but an actual good one.

There was this guy who came up from Jersey for the holiday party on friday night and slept in his car. Then he came up to Haverhill and I realized that, although he may be a big fan of good beer, it is a good mask for his alcoholism. I asked him what he did for a living and he said he works for Administrative Data Proscessors. That's ADP, the temp agency. I didn't let on that I knew what that was, I just smiled and nodded and said "Oh."

The maintenance guy that works weekends was just trying to blab my ear off as usual. He always comes up and tries to read what I am writing on the computer. He always asks what I am writing and looks at it. I always say, nothing you need to read. I'm not your wife, you can't look at my e-mail. It's like that every week.

I have cramps and don't want to work. My new snow shoes will suck for hiking, they hurt my ankle and have no support. I am going to REI after work to see if they can suggest inserts and stretch out the ankle part or if I can find a pair of trail shoes instead. All I do is spend money.

Bubbles

2005-12-17T01:01:00.000-05:00

Oh my! I went to the Beer Advocate holiday party at Harpoon tonight.
1) I had never been to Harpoon before.
2) I saw The Beer Twins, Ching and several other BAs there.
3) Pinky gave me a gift.
4) It was free.
The beer was lovely, just lovely. A chewy Imperal Stout, cask conditioned, as part of the 100 Series. A Munich Dark aged in wood to give it a slightly tangy appeal to the roof of the mouth; sap is the assumed culprit. Ale that cleansed any of the salty snax, leaving you wanting to quench again. Its no wonder that one has been in the brewhouse for two decades.

I kind of want to rant about the perv aspect, but I'm too satiated to really complain.

phew

2005-12-16T14:23:00.000-05:00

Okay, I am such a girl. I PMS like crazy, my hormone levels are all over the place. I was so upset with the chemist for not calling me, I was NOT going to call him. I actually didn't. I met a friend of mine for drinks at 4 yesterday, then continued drinking until, ooooohhhh...11. But I maintained, I didn't get wiggedy wasted. I met up with J and we walked around and went for sushi. We were planning on tea, but that didn't happen. The sushi was good, though, at Tsunami and there were surprising little crunchies in mine which pleased me to no end. I also made a snow angel at Simmons, and J wouldn't join me. I decided to stop into Delux and have a whiskey on my way home (hey, i have 2 days off in a row...i am taking full advantage). Then the chemist calls. I answer and said, hey let me call you back.(he seemed a little surprised...) I drank my drink a little faster than I normally would and left about 10 minutes later and called him while walking out the door. I was just so excited to talk to him!! He was excited to talk to me, too, and he told me so. We blabbed for 1.5 hours...that's a long time. He's been crazy busy in the lab as I had assumed. But I did tell him to come up for air and step outside and call me every so often. I don't want an albino boyfriend who's eyes won't undialate from being under fluorescent lighting; he needs to step away from the proteins...

He's coming to AZ, by the way. WOOOO HOOOO!! And he wants to fly so "not a day gets wasted" I want to love this man so badly.

I went and got my hair did today and it looks really good, I love the color. It's a warm brown, similar to my last color but not as red.I am going to the Beer Advocate party at Harpoon tonight and it looks really cute. So that pleases me.

meow

2005-12-16T02:39:00.000-05:00

Piper Ilean is rather rotund. When she is on her back, she looks like a large rugby ball with three skinny legs. She's on calorie reduction, but I don't think it's working.

blub

2005-12-15T12:45:00.000-05:00

I think I am going to become a pescatarian as soon as my freezer is out of fowl and hoof. It will be healthier and will help with this fat ass of mine. Actually, my ass isn't that bad; it's the roll of fat under my waist that I hate. H A T E.

stupid stupid stupid day

2005-12-14T15:06:00.000-05:00

I slightly want to crawl under a rock and have it drop on me. I have been eating like a woman who doesn't need to watch it. Do I like Russel Stover chocolates? No. Did I need to eat 5 to make sure of it? Obviously. I am also PMSing which means I am feeling weird about the chemist. We haven't talked in 2 weeks, we e-mailed last week and nothing since. I called him last night and if I don't hear from him by tomorrow (actually tonight, but giving him til tomorrow to be nice) I am going to FREAK OUT. And be actually upset. Still don't have a definite plan for after Xmas with him, he hasn't told me anything for sure for sure. I hate that. I like to plan things, especially trips. I know he is self-absorbed with career and all, as am I, but I need some weekly conversation, DAMNIT!

I am going to run for an hour and see if that will make me feel better.

I got an A in metabolism and don't even care.

Swoosh

2005-12-12T14:39:00.000-05:00

My sister and her friend came to visit this weekends and, even though I worked a double on Saturday, we still had fun. I actually had Sunday off, and we went to brunch at Metropolis. The food was good, but the service was HORRIBLE. The woman was such a bitch, attitude and everything, to us and was sweet as pie to everyone else at teh counter. I so did not want to tip her, but did anyway.

We took our holiday pictures on Sunday. I hope she is able to fix them and get them to me this week, I'd like to send them out soon. They're funny, but not as funny as we had hoped. Too hung over to go all out, but we made a good effort.

I won 2 lift tickets to Sunday River in Maine. I have to find a friend who likes to ski, has a car and can split a room with me without trying to feel me up. OR meet someone who I want to feel me up who likes to ski and has a car. And, while I am wishing, may as well make that person have enough money to pay for the room and my ski rentals.

Flakes

2005-12-04T14:59:00.000-05:00

It is snowing all the live long day! Time to put Tripper inside...sniff sniff. And time to figure out an indoor workout.

Whip

2005-12-03T14:18:00.000-05:00

I feel gross and out of control!! OKay, not gross. But I gained 2# last week and that is not surprising considering I lived off of pie and stuffing. And I just discovered the joy of graham crackers with whipped cream. Oh the humanity.

Blahs

2005-12-01T16:37:00.000-05:00

So now I just want to drop this whole RD idea. Not becasue I don't want it, but because I am scared of it. I am totally freaked out about setting up my own rotations. I WISH I could just apply to local hospitals, and be done with it. Or anywhere full time and get the damn thing over with. And NOT have to set it up myself.
Grrrrr.
But in the whole scheme of things, I think that I will be stronger and more sure of myself because of it.
I miss having friends.
I am slightly annoyed with myself. I feel as if I am slacking, and I have a week left of school. MUST finish that fucking paper and get on top of my metabolism stuff!!
I have to go to drama tonight and I so do not want to go. I will just be sitting and watching people's scenes. And freezing.
I am meeting KH for a drink tonight, though, so that gives me something to look forward to at least.

2005-11-27T14:41:00.000-05:00

I was feeling like The Chemist is not into this thing we have anymore. I don't know what I was expecting...calls every day? Flowers? Packages? He calls me every week and we talk and I like it. I would rather talk to him every day face to face, but what can you do. He called me today because he was at a farmer's market in CA and he was thinking of me and knew I would like it, and he wanted to see how his favorite person was doing and hear about my mini-vaycay. That makes me noodle-y when he says that. We're getting together for New Year's, probably in AZ. Camping/hiking/natures yay. He actually thought I meant for him to stay in PHX at first!! GROSS. I told him only long enough to realize why I ran away from it...about 2 hours should suffice. I told him i would go out to San D if that worked out better for him, but I do not want to STAY in San D, I want natures for a few days. Period. Like I need to be in a city. He agreed, so it looks like an AZ camping trip! WOOO HOOO!!!!!

Meh

2005-11-27T00:56:00.000-05:00

This is where I tell myself over and over again that I am overreacting, but there is still that little quiet whisper inside telling me I am right. Everytime I ignore it, I always wish I would've listened. It's intuition, I suppose. I am right that waiting for the chemist is no way to live my life at this moment, and I am right that he is very self involved and won't see what he pushed to the back burner until it is too late. And there is nothing I can do about it. Like I said before, my phone isn't ringing off the hook with offers so I am not going to cut the tie right now, no reason to. However, I am not going to disregard possible suitors any more.
There. Said my peace on it. I thought I would feel better, but I don't. I hate the gypsy life of post docs. Fuck research and its slave labor ways.

Gobble

2005-11-26T19:12:00.000-05:00

Ahhhh...I feel well gorged. I went to CT and hung out with my sis, her man and his family. I love them. They are from Europe and it is fun to be around them. They always set tiny portions of food out all day long, and meals are a lot of small things spread out around the table (except Thanx dinner, that was immense). I love that. I woke up on Thursday morning and got dressed to go jog. I opened the drapes and saw that it snowed 3 inches overnight and was still snowing, Great, I thought, but at least they have a gym in their basement (yes, a full gym...my sis calls it "Mantown" which is true). So I ran on the treadmill. I was really looking forward to running around a quiet, suburban neighborhood and the surrounding woods, but I guess I have to go down there when there is no threat for snow. I slept in two days in a row. I thought that I wasn't a sleeper-inner, but then I realized it was just because my psycho schedule 100% prevents it. SO it's not me, phew. I went for a walk with his mom in the snow, and I bonded with one of his grandmas. I also think I bonded with the dad over biochem. He's a MD, but his BS is in biochem...so we blabbed about it. That was cool. He's a staunch Hungarian man, it always sounds liek he is yelling and pissed off when he is talking, but it's just the Hungarian way.

Nutrigenomics

2005-11-22T09:55:00.000-05:00

I posted a question regarding nutrigenomics on the ADA listserv and a woman named Ruth DeBusk e-mailed me back directly. Now, I don't expect any of you to fully grasp why this woman's response would drive me to tears of excitement and joy unless I put it into terms anyone would understand: Whatever field of work you're in, think of the top, #1 person in it. Then think about how you would feel if they wrote you a long e-mail supporting your endeavors in the field, AND giving you local contacts, phone numbers and all. Yep. Still reeling. I just took about an hour to compose a response to her! hee hee!!

dance

2005-11-20T10:00:00.000-05:00

Well, the thing last night was fun. It wasn't "O my god, that was the shit!!" fun, but it was fun to go dance around for a couple of hours. I didn't get all sweaty or anything, which is unlike me. I stepped outside for some air at about 12:30 and there was a loooooong line to go in. I figured that it was about to get sardine packed so I just left. I had fun, and I met African drummers from Mali, and I had to work this morning. It was time to go. I'd do it again the next time.

I drank a whole bottle of wine before I went and I had a beer there and wasn't wasted, I wasn't even moderately drunk which is very weird. Then I got my period today so now I know that I have a higher tolerance right before it. I always knew my tolerance altered with the cycle, I just hadn't figured it out yet. It was good wine anyway.

I am going to the pre-Thanxgivin dinner tonight. I hope I get some control and don't eat too much or get drunk, I have shit to do tomorrow.

I wish I had a car. I would apply for internships in other towns.

All alone, just me and George DeBoeuf

2005-11-19T19:47:00.000-05:00

I am still lonely. But I did go to yoga today, which was a great stretch. It's been over 6 months, i went to an easy beginner class which was great. And then I spent $58 on 6 bottles of wine, one of which is almost gone. That's George's Beaujolais Nouveau. 3 are for Thanxgiving, not ALL for me although it wouldn't be anything new. I am going to go dancing tonight, alone of course. It's at a place in my hood, SoulSpectrum does it once per month. So I am there, and it will be good to dance around to Afrobeat for a few hours. Good exercise. I wonder if anyone will try to dance with me. I will dance with them, but if they begin to dry hump me, I am so moving away.

I called the radio station and told them that I cannot go to the show I won tix for, so put them back on the market. I decided to go to the pre-Thax dinner put on by Pinky (that's the guy from the beer fest). His name is Pinky because he is kind of mousey. I realized that I am going dancing tonight and two in a row is pushing it. And I want to meet new people. I'd love more friends. I actually only have three here now. Well, two I know I could call in a pinch or when I want to hang out. Anyway, it's always good to expand that network. I hope I can be charming and funny, I feel as if I have lost it a bit lately with all of this alone hang out time.

I need a shower. And I am going to study, have another glass of vino then take myself dancing.

Blah

2005-11-18T21:26:00.000-05:00

I feel so gross. Like i have completly given up control over my eating habits...and I have. What the fuck? I had bee doign so well, slow and steady progress, regular exercise, and these last two weeks have been minor exercise and major eating. Not even when I have been hungry, either. I feel lonely, too. I know I am PMSing, and that's the lonely feeling, but shiiiiit, I don't know what the FUCK is wrong with me. I am really upset with myself. What made me think I could get away with cheating on my WW points sysetm?? If I didn't write it down, it didn't happen, right? So when I gain ANOTHER 2 pounds next week, it will be okay to indulge in hot chocolate three days in a row? Or bagels? Or other bread/sugar sources? That seems to be the trend I have been following, all of it daily. OMG, I need to STOP!! And I need to get to the gym. Yes, my heel has been hurting from running, but that just means I need to run on the treadmill now. It's too cold for outside anyway. So...tomorrow is YOGA, sunday is gym at work, monday is gym at school, tuesday is gym at school (maybe run in the morning if it's nice). The only excuse: I want to be overweight and feel grossly disappointed about myself. Which I don't so there is no excuse.

I miss the chemist, still, of course, as if I wouldn't. I wish he was here for me to come home to, to hold me right now in my feelings of blah. All of you who read this and have someone who will hold you in your blahs, you are lucky.

CO-WORKERS!!!

2005-11-12T13:49:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it is almost 2pm and I am supposed to leave at 2:30...and there is NO SIGN of my co-worker!! She called earlier saying she was going to be late, but this is rediculous. Late, sure. 4 hours late, though?? And if she doesn't show, I have to do her shit!! That is so not fair, I've been here since 6:45 and I got here on time. If she isn't here by 2:30, I am calling our boss. I am so sick of this shit! Oh...I hear the elevator...did she decide to SHOW UP TO WORK?? This is the one who is setting up a daycare in her house to make that her job now. She can only have 5 kids at once, so she is sending her own 2 kids to live with grandma in another state for the winter so she can watch the maximum amount of kids and the bank might not forclose on her house. UMM...maybe you could use the money and come into work, eh? This is the one who works part time, but decided she can afford to buy a house and be a single mom of two...so ghetto, I want to cry. And her babys' daddy is in jail again, and a week after he went BACK IN she met her new man...while preggers w/ #2...and he moved in with her a couple weeks later...and doesnt work and wants to work on his music all the time and went out to LA for an undisclosed amount of time, leaving her alone. Again. Have a little self respect and learn to be alone for a while!! Nice how she's showing her daughters that it is okay to jump from man to man. PSSHHHH.

stupid work rant

2005-11-09T18:34:00.000-05:00

Yay. I need to study, but I had to blab on here for a second. I am getting so sick and tired of my lazy and ailing co-workers. They bring me down, man. When I walk in to open in the morning, I expect the place to be set up the night before, like it is supposed to be, but it never is. Of course, when I work late, I set it up because I know how much it SUCKS to be doing everything that opening requires, PLUS set-up. I asked one girl earlier in the week why she didn't do it on Sunday night (didn't even sweep, and we work with food). She said she had too much work. I told her I didn't buy it at all since when she isn't working Sunday's scheduled duty, I am, and I manage to get everything done. She told me there must be something wrong with me. I think it's my work ethic. I wanted to slap her. And today, I was talking to another about the fucker that is milking worker's comp and told her that since there's lawyers involved, we may be asked to sit in on a deposition (maybe, I said). She said she wouldn't do it, she "don't snitch". I said, wait...you're willing to back him up, knowing he's lying? She said she didn't want to be involved. Hello...she's talked to him since the incident, she's involved. I told her that if we were asked to do it, if she refused, then Tufts would probably look at her as protecting him, and would also consider her on the same level. And that I couldn't believe that she would put her integrety on the line for an ass who wouldn't do the same for any of us. Also, that I loved them all (lie), but if it ever came down to that or my integrety with the university, I wouldn't think twice about it. Don't know what she thought, but glad I planted that seed. And am taking 5 months off to go to school next semester and leaving their asses in the DUST for a bit.

I am tired, not even 7pm. UGH!!

2005-11-08T23:12:00.000-05:00

So I went to the beer party last night. It was fun, I'll admit. Free beer and good food, who can complain? I do feel a little bad, though. I don't want to give that guy any wrong impressions. I have a feeling that he lets girls take advantage of him all the time and jump on his little heart. One of his girlfriends told me he was digging me, and I said it was because I am nice and she said it was because I am hot. Ego boost, especially from a cute girl. Not my problem, I know, but I really would like to be friends. And his friends are pretty cool, too, and invited me to their future parties so that's cool. Adult parties and possible new friends. YAY! Not that my old friends are bad or anything, but it's good to have a few more.
I should be tired.
I've been playing phone tag with the chemist the last 3 days, can't seem to get each other on the phone!! And I want to talk to him and stuff, you know? Okay, I want to canoodle over the phone with him, in that annoying way people do that is only annoying when you aren't a canoodler. I am all weirded out over him seeing another girl for some reason, but it is probably becasue I am accepting dates from strangers and feel *mildly* guilty about it. *Mildly* because I am not kissing, touching, fucking strangers (or anyone I know for that matter), but still going out. Ah, well. I can do nothing except be me and live my life, whatever he does he does. I just don't wanna know about it unless I have to, just as he'll be kept from my dating scene unless I have to tell him. I know that smart, beautiful women who can hold an intellectual conversation, are well-schooled in wine and truly enjoy cooking every night are few and far between. Ones without extra baggage are especially rare and those who ignore their biological clocks are treasures. I am a treasure, not easily replaced. I know this. I am sure he does, too.
We're both so self-absorbed that the fact we are still even interested in a relationship with the other, under the circumstances, speaks volumes with that one run-on sentence.
I want to eat cheese now.

too too late for A!

2005-11-07T00:05:00.000-05:00

I am debating calling The C. I am tired, but awake. And I just spent 5 hours on a paper, and then realized that I wasn't actually writing the paper, I was just writing a skeleton to fill in the valid, fleshy points at a later time. As if I have a friggin later time. Great. I don't think I understand megaloblastic macrocrytic anemia any more now than I did at 6pm. But I like to say it...
m e g a l o b l a s t i c ...hee hee. It's the megalomaniacal red blood cell with arrested development. You think I am kidding, I am totally not. Make sure you get your B12 in, especially you vegetarians. That pesky vitamin is found only in animal products, but not the dairy kind. So eat yer frikkin eggs!

trains in the night

2005-11-05T23:36:00.000-05:00

I just came in from Medford campus, I had to see a play for my drama class. It was kinda lame, but the acting wasn't bad. On the train ride back, I was sitting at Downtown Crossing and studying, as usual. This uber-cute guy sits next to me, and I could tell he would glance at me from the corner of my eye. I thought maybe he was just spying on my studies because I totally do that to people. When the train came, I stood up and smiled at him, he smiled back. Did I mention whata cutie? Anyway, on the train, I kept in my book. I looked up once, and he was looking at me. I said Hi, he said Hi, smiled, then I quickly went back to my book. I think I just chickened out!! So weird! I actually wanted to start a convo while we were waiting, but whatever. So, he asked me a question (and had an accent, French or German or something) about a station and I was about to answer, when this girl loudly did it for me. When I got off a minute later, I looked, smiled and we both said Bye. I secretly wanted him to follow me off the train and talk to me. Maybe if my head hadn't been in a book the whole time, he could've found an in, or I could've. The world may never know.

2005-11-05T11:58:00.000-05:00

All I want to do is study and I have to work.

exercise vs. skool

2005-10-31T10:33:00.000-05:00

Okay, so it's Halloween. Big whoop. It used to be my favorite holiday, a day to dress up however and a day to eat copius amounts of candy without any raised eyebrows. When I was a kid, it was all about the spookiness. Now I just kinda want to eat so much chocolate that it smears across my mouth and collects at the edges of my lips. And leave it there, just because today, I can.

I feel weird today. Like achy and out of it. I really hope I am not getting ill. I have two choices for this afternoon: go to calss, then go home to write or ditch class and go for a run, then go home and write. I kinda wanna ditch, even though there's going to be a guest speaker there today. I should go. I mean, she's an RD working for Hormel. I want to find out about that sorta thing, since community does't pay crap and clinical may make me nuts. But I think I must jog today...

Mullet

2005-10-30T22:27:00.000-05:00

You know, when I begin to stress out about school, I like to look at this pic. And I just feel, I don't know, better.

Halloweiner

2005-10-30T18:33:00.000-05:00

Last night I went to the beer fest with the beer twins and drank yummy beer. Then, slightly drunk and against my better judgement, called J and went to a party with her and M dressed like Marion the Librarian. It worked, guess I can pull off "sheepish girl" when I want to. Not that librarians necessarily are, I was just feeding into the stereotype. I said against my better judgement because I knew the party was gonna be lame-o, and it was. It really was. It was like an excuse for mid-20 something girls to dress slightly whore-like and act that way, too. I personally think that they really have that on the inside because why would they do that every year? (I saw previous year's pics also) I never dressed like that for Halloween; maybe it's becasue I never had a problem with actually acting upon my slutty tendancies in my younger years. M and I had a good time watching them play a drinking game in the kitchen. Then we all sat on a couch where the three of us thouroughly enjoyed each other's company. Then they took me home. Yay home! I love J and M, but I do not love lame parties. Neither do they, but I think it was an obligation or something.

woof

2005-10-26T10:11:00.000-05:00

You know, this pretty much sums up my neighborhood.

Puuuur-Dix

2005-10-26T04:45:00.000-05:00

Most Perdix deliciousness. Broiled monkfish over French lentils that were firm and giving in the mouth. Cauliflower sauteed in brown butter. Garlic puree to blend each bite with. (honestly, needed salt which i added) A Cote du Rhone blanc to wash it down and eventual cocktails at Frankiln to top it off with. My life really doesn't suck.

pictolas

2005-10-25T10:13:00.000-05:00

I've decided I want a digital camera. And I think I mainly want it so I can take pictures of my dinner and post them. That way, I will make myself set up a stellar presentation and it will be extra yummy that way. I also think it would be fun to take pictures of rashes, mullets or horrible outfits I see on a daily basis so I can comment on them and give my reading audience a visual.

Sloooow Cookin'

2005-10-24T21:21:00.000-05:00

O HAPPY DAY!!!
I just got my very first crockpot in the mail. It is a 2.5 quart Rival, with a glass lid and removable stoneware. I am seriously so excited about it I want to make something RIGHT NOW!! But I can't because it is too late. Maybe I will in the morning and have it for a late lunch. YAY!!!

poo

2005-10-23T08:08:00.000-05:00

I feel lonely. I wonder if it's the weather adding to it or if I just feel lonely. My two Boston friends are both out of town with their boyfriends. I have been hormonal the last few days and quite melancholy, but that should be over by now. I am still feeling *meh* so I am blaming the rain.

Blame it on the rain that was fallin', faaaallin'. Blame it on the stars, that shine at night. But what-evah you do, don't put the blame on you...blame it on the rain, yeah yeah.

That little bit of Milli Vanilli made me giggle.

Fertility

2005-10-22T13:36:00.000-05:00

I woke up today and got out of bed for my jog. I was all happy because I was going to go for 30 minutes today but at a faster pace than normal. About 15 minutes into it, I got the worst PMS cramps I have ever had. They actually made me turn around and have to WALK home. I have never had cramps this bad. They usually are a non-issue. I took an ibuprophin and balled up on the couch. Toby snuggled me and licked the sweat off my face. I had to push him away and I never push a willing cat snuggle away. I felt like my uterus was going to fall out of my body. Then they went away and haven't returned.

Silver Skates

2005-10-21T23:25:00.000-05:00

Maybe it's just me, but every now and then I propose marriage to myself. It usually comes after I create an exceptionally delicious foodstuff, but it has also happens when I feel super hot and sassy. Tonight was the former. I found a recipe for stuffed acorn squash and, since I have never had much luck with it, made it. Of course if you know how I operate you know that I usually follow about 60-75% of a recipe and use my wits for the rest. Tonight it was brilliant and I popped the question. I really want me, I've been asking for years.

I won tickets to a concert at King's Chapel Concert Series. It's a chapel downtown, those of you familiar with Boston may know it-it's on the Freedom Trail. School street. It has its own graveyard. Boston is funny that way, there's four old ass graveyards within a few blocks from work, I love it. I have picnics in them when it is springtime. The Chemist treated me to a picnic for a princess straight out of a fairy tale on my birthday and it was in a graveyard. This concert is based on 3 Hans Christian Andersen tales. I can't wait. It shall be so relaxing. Funny how I went from rock out with your cock out to classical. I think it was inevitable.

do not read if you are sick of the c

2005-10-20T20:49:00.000-05:00

Is it okay to miss The C terribly?? I can't stand it. I don't think I can take it anymore. A tiny part of me wants to stop communication because it isn't getting any easier. I can't suppress this growing feeling I have for him, and any growth is insane because he isn't here anymore and it is all from bi-weekly or so telephone conversations. I keep putting myself in check, thinking I am feeling these things due to some situation of us I have made up in my head, but the more I analyze it the more I realize I haven't done that-I am too much of a realiast to live in a fantasy land. How I feel about him is purely based on what we had when we were able to be together, it hasn't grown from a ficticious relationship...it's continuing where we left off and it creeps me out because I always thought that that wasn't possible. I could be alone in this, I know. I haven't asked him to divulge his emotional status just as I haven't offered mine. We both hold those cards close, so to speak; I am afraid of getting my heart broken as I am 98% sure he is too. This is annoying. I am glad I have my blog where I can type it out an re-read it and realize I am almost 30 and in a long distance relationship.

I thought we broke up. I swear. He calls me his girlfriend and I like it too much to argue. I wish somebody could just offer him a better job back here, then he can come back to me.

I have a wine love

2005-10-15T12:40:00.000-05:00

I went to a DI meeting last night. Afterwards I stopped by Perdix for a glass of *good* wine. I had a Borgogne from Burgundy that had a licorice after taste and wasn't great alone. So the guy sitting next to me shared his gorgonzola tart with roasted figs, arugala and crispy prosciutto and the fat made the wine totally open up. Then I asked the owner about an Italian white I had never heard of. It was a Bastianich Tokai from Friuli and he gave me a "taste" which was basically a full glass. It was AMAZING. Mellow start with a creamy, nutty finish. The finish actually reminded me of the nutty flavor of Brie. So good. I also tried the barolo from Vernaccia. I liked it much better than the Borgogne. The guys next to me were friends with the staff, too, so they got the speck and cabbage ravioli in the Gerwurtzraminer butter sauce that I dream about and I had half of one. Then they were given the pulled chicken tamale with chicken and crema. It was all amazing, of course. And Heather who works the bar told me that "oops...not enough Tokai left for a full glass..." and filled mine. Then they didn't give me a bill. I need to go in there and actually pay to eat one of these nights. I feel kind of bad about that

Xmas is 10 weeks away...

2005-10-13T00:33:00.000-05:00

I am back in the town of beans. I just spent 7 hours writing a paper. I am not complaining becasue that's what I get for waiting until the last second to do it, but more annoyed cuz I drank a Diet Coke a couple hours ago and now I am all criggedy cracked out. I wanted to wake up and jog tomorrow but it it supposed to rain. I should go anyway, I was such a tortilla-eating beer swilling fatass this weekend. Okay, I know, I could have done worse had I not been with the mom unit as much. But the eating, oy vey, I am farting the smells of Mexico.

I talked with The Chemist the other day. He said he would hook me up with his finance guy so I can break free from the advisor I have now and actually make some money off the little nest egg I've been building for ten years with nickels and dimes. For real. He's so busy I hope he remembers. I am going to Phx for Xmas and I have a lot of time off. We were talking about seeing each other and it is either me going to San D for a few days or him meeting with me in Phx and we go hiking/camping for a few days in AZ. I am a huge supporter of the latter. I also invited him to my family's place for Xmas since he isn't going home and he'll be an Xmas orphan, told him I extended the invite and for him to think about it. He asked "What do you guys cook for Xmas?" I laughed b/c that is something I would ask too. And knowing how domestic I get in the kitchen, totally a valid query. Told him Xmas eve was our most excellent dinner that changes every year and that Xmas day we had tamales as a tradition. Nice how we're Mexican. This year, mom unit will be too weak to cook so I am going in a few days early to prep for it. I talked to her about it today (are you surprised?) and told her to come up with ideas and I will make whatever she wants. Told her to figure out the main course and we'll go from there. I also asked her if it was alright if my little Xmas orphan came and she said of course and that she kind of figured he might anyway since I was going to be out west and all.
I am the Scrooge of the family and now I am looking forward to the holidays. Weird. Hope he decides to come!! Gotta water that seed I planted...

Poopin' Chile

2005-10-10T20:07:00.000-05:00

Dear Blog,
I have had such a lovely Western Weekend. On Friday I spent most of the day in bed, catching up on some much needed sleep, after I went for a 6 am jog of course. We went to a day of wine tastings on Saturday and only found a few people who knew what they were talking about. We laughed because what the hell were they doing selling wine if they were clueless?? My friend used the word "astute" and the wine girl looked scared and ran away, faking something needed her attention instead of not knowing the word. We went to a yummy brunch that morning then I made a pork loin with beans (from dried) with sage and tomatoes a la Tuscan style with a great salad and a bottle of Vermintino from Sardinia. Even S, L and J would like this white. Then Sunday we all decided to go to Mexico. May as well, right? I mean it's only a hop skip and jump to the beach down there. We ended up in a little place on the sea and they just happened to be having their annual Festival de Langosta. Apparently, there are lobsters in the area. Except they are smaller and they don't have claws. The local stilo to cook them is cut them in half and deep fry them. So for $20 US we each got a 1# langosta, rice, refritos, handmade flour tortillas, jalepenos and 4 Tecates. I was happier than a pig in shit. Our waiter Hugo totally hooked us up, his wife and I have the same name and apparently he was a sucker for a pretty smile. I say that in a good way, not a bitchy way. I forgot to buy tortillas on my way back but I can get some here before I go east. Today I have been studying and I went and had a carne asada torta down the street for lunch. I've been making big breakfasts. I made French toast with honey and strawberry jam this morning and probably shouldn't have had the torta but as if I eat like this every day. (But I can definitely feel the lack of fiber in my body) I have also been chowing down on avocados...3 for $1...yeah. Tonight I am making my roasted veg lasagna and we are opening a thick Italian red. Mmmmm!!! I love the food here, and my home-ness, nut not enough to move back.

Apple of my eyeball

2005-10-04T22:44:00.000-05:00

I took my first metabolism exam today, and of course made some stupid mistakes. The erase the right answer because of second guessing kind of mistakes. Oh well. Kinda upset with myself over it, but nothing I can do now. I was cooking dinner while typing an abstract and I burnt it. ME. I burnt my dinner!! I do not remember the last time that happened, but I ate it anyway. I have no food in the house since I will be gone for a few days and I had no choice. I could have gotten a pizza, but I can't spend any extra $. I have been sooo good about that these last 4 weeks. I have not gone out to eat at all and every meal has been form my kitchen (or from work). Saved me $ and I lost 3.5 pounds. Not bad at all. I even went to the FMarket today and only bought 8 apples for snax and a small acorn squash for tomorrow night. I will go out to eat this weekend I'm sure. I was just craving someting sweet, so sweet I almost licked the inside of the sugar bowl. I opened a LUNA bar and it was gross. If I have to have a fake candy bar, I would prefer a Kashi or Pria, thank you. I tossed it and ate a gala apple. Super delicious, actually curbed that sweet thing and fruit NEVER does that for me. Perhaps because it was growing on the tree this AM and it is the first crunchy crop of the season. I need to get someone to take me apple picking. I shall bake them a pie.

2005-10-02T14:56:00.000-05:00

Dear Blog,
Today I have decided to study for an exam instead of working. This is not a new concept for a Sunday, I know, except I told myself yesterday that I would work today and I am going back on my word to myself.
I didn't tell you yesterday, but I quit smoking about 3 weeks ago. I haven't told anybody because if I relapse I will feel stupid. But I don't see a relapse happening. The only time I want one is when I have been drinking, but I haven't had time to drink much lately so it isn't hard. I took a drag off a friend's a couple days ago, but it was hand rolled American Spirit tobacco so it wasn't ultra-gross. And I didn't want another drag. So that is good.
I went jogging after work yesterday. Since I wasn't on a time schedule as usual, I decided to just go and see how long I could do it (my max has been 30 min). I ended up jogging for 50 minutes straight, which rocks. I went down to the river and ran there, I went this morning too and added running over and back the Mas Ave bridge. Bet that wouldn't be possible if I was still a smoker, eh? I do have to get a new sports bra today, though. The girls don't like the ones I have; I have scars on my shoulders due to them trying to jump ship mid-stride.
Talk to you soon, Blog.
A!

Update

2005-10-01T14:25:00.000-05:00

I am at work and am eating my lunch, it is a korma I made earlier this week and, I must say, it is MOST delicious after it has rested in the fridge a few days. MMM. I have been so busy, posting hasn't crossed my mind...until L reminded me. SO...let's see...I got a 9.5 out of 10 on a paper I was worried about. I started jogging in public. I joined the ADA. I decided to apply for dietetic internships and go for my RD before I consider grad school. The Chemist and I are still in mutual pining mode. I am still following Weight Watchers, and am still losing weight. I am still horny. Piper Ilean and Toby the Liger are still the cutest meow mix this side of the Mississip.

It's October, and I have already been invited to a Halloween party. It is the same day as the New Englad Beer Festival. I am going to the festival with The Beer Twins, and they are the ones that invited me to the party. I think I might actually skip Halloween this year. The party is in Arlington or something and I don't know how I am going to get home. And I live right next to the festival and will already be drunk. Also, I work the next day. And I think I might be too old to party. Ok, THAT'S a lie. We'll see.

Weekend Food Fun

2005-09-19T12:35:00.000-05:00

Oh, Oktoberfest was fun! The place was crappy for acoustics so we were screaming over the oompa bands and the wasted fools. The Beer Advocate events are much better. I drank Dunkelweis, a darker version of Hefeweisen. Yum. Then we went to Picco and ate yummy pizza and a chocolate banana calzone of the gods. The Chemist always wanted to get it, and I never was into it, but I had some of the Beer Twins' and YUM.

The Chemist would totally get along with the Beer Twins. We would all make awesome couple-friends. You know, when you are in a relationship and both of you are friends with another couple that shares the same interests and sense of humor. Ours would be food adventures and sarcasm. I have to stop thinking in those terms, I know. It just makes it harder to accept the fact he's gone and that finding another man like him will be impossible.

I went to Greekfest at the church in my hood after I finished my project yesterday. I watched my snacking like a hawk so I could have one of their killer gyros, guilt-free. And I did it!! I had a gyro and didn't blow my daily total!! I took it to go, bypassed the Greek grandmas hawking desserts, and went home to a great veg salad I made. Guilt-free gyros taste better, anyway.

Whine Time

2005-09-17T17:06:00.000-05:00

I am at work and I am bored and cold and ready to leave. But I have to wait for my friend to get here because we are going to Oktoberfest at the Sam brewery. I'm not a fan of Sam, but I do like the Oktoberfest, and their Winter Ale. And I like my friend and her man and they like me and we three are beer freaks so I now have new friends to go to beer events with. They are K and M but I will refer to them as the Beer Twins when I am with them both, and individually on that basis.
Where is she?? Hurry your ass up!! I want to drink! I haven't been out in public in weeks!!
Knowing that I was going to this thing, I planned out my daily meals very well and sparingly...then decided to blow it on 8 Lorna Doones and a blueberry muffin. Great. Nice job, A! I lost weight this week and am now erasing it. Yes, I know it seems miniscule, and it's just one day out of 7 in a week...blah blah blah, don't care. I even put a ring on this morning that I have never been able to wear, it was my tiny grandmother's, and it fits and now I am celebrating by fattening up for winter. GROAN.
Speaking of, I need to get my ass in check because when winter does roll around my fat starts a sloooooow burn and takes 4-evah to go away. It's like my body says "Hells no! I need this insulation!!"
I miss The Chemist. He would give me a compliment. And then have sex with me. Which is great because I am super horny.

He Likes ME

2005-09-14T11:26:00.000-05:00

Sunday nights I listen to "Soul Spectrum", a show out of the MIT station. I listen every Sunday while I study, or I stream it online when I am not in Boston at www.wmbr.org
This Sunday, I was listening and reading as usual. The DJ came on during a break,"I have an extra special dedication going out. The Chemist called in, he used to listen to the show when he lived in Boston..."
I was like, "Wait a second..."
"...and now he is streaming it online from his new home in San Diego..."
"No way!"
"...and he wants to give a special shout out to his girlfriend, A! this song is for you."
And then some song.
I was floored!! I called him up immediately and was like "Baby!! That is the sweetest thing! I feel so special!"
He said "You are special." He knew I would be listening, then we blabbed.
Nobody has ever dedicated a song to me on the radio, and even though it is kinda jr. high I don't care. I loved it and he knew I would. It's the sweetest thing ever and I feel all melty about it when I think of it.

PAH-ty

2005-09-11T14:32:00.000-05:00

Last night after work, KP came and we went and heard Cake play at City Hall Plaza. Some other band, Fitch I think, opened for them and they were awful. They were not original at all. But Cake was great, as usual. She and I started to get hungry, so we beat the crowd and left early. We went to her friend's place as they were having a pig roast. Mmmm pig. It was yummy. I learned how to play beer pong and saw a 5 year old, who was at the party, learn how to play, too. It slightly disturbed me, but then I thought "Well, at least he won't go nuts when he parties when older since he's used to it already." Then he started punching members of the opposite team and actually spitting on them. His Masshole bleached blonde rotund with a funky mole on her face aunt said "Joey! We don't do that to people we don't know" and KP says under her breath "Only to the ones you do know." Ha. He almost hawked a loogie onto me but I put up my finger, looked at him over my glasses and said "EX-cuse me...". He didn't. Then the rest of the time when he would start acting up I just looked at him and he would stop.
There was also a girl there who seriously dogged me every time she looked at me, so of course I threw a look with 'tude her way each time. I think it's becasue she felt a little threatened, in my vain opinion, but I am all set with little girls from the suburbs and their fragile lives, held together because they think they are the shit in their little pond of people. A new fish comes in and there is just a tizzy. It is funny to me and makes me feel more open to the world.
I talked to this guy for a while, not becasue I was into him or anything but because he was the least moronic one and sarcastic. Then, when I was leaving his friend asked me for my #. I was like...um i have said 2 words to you in my life, why would I give you my #? He said it was for the one I had been talking to. If a guy can't even ask me for my #, I would have a very hard time being interested in him. And I told him that. I eventually did because I was sick of the fucking peer pressure. BUT, as I was walking away, he did run after me and ask me for it and then asked for forgiveness for being lame and then asked if I could just forget about it and pretend he asked me first. Fine. Here's my #. I doubt he'll call me. Not because "Oh my, a boy like that will never call little ol' me..." but because I seriously don't think he has the balls. And, if he was really interested, he will call me today. Not later in the week, which to me says he plays by those stupid rules (you know, wait a couple days to call, act cool, blah blah). We're adults. If you are interested in something, go for it. Let it be known. If it doesn't happen it isn't becasue you didn't try.

The Tutor, take 87

2005-09-09T03:57:00.000-05:00

I went to a happy hour with a bunch of diatetic interns at the Middle East tonight. That was cool, meeting people and seeing old friends and all. On my way there, though, The Tutor called me. He's moving to NH next week and asked if I wanted to watch the game and get a drink after my meeting. Sure, why not? I'd like to see him. He cut his hair short and is so much cuter. I told him so. We met up, had a few, watched the game. Talked about being friends with benefits, although I am still healing from my procedure so couldn't do anything about it tonight. I had to tell him, of course. We did come back to my place and he kissed me and we fooled around second bases a bit. It was okay. There weren't rockets, my heart didn't leap, none of that. It wasn't gross or uncomfortable, don't get me wrong, but it aslo didn't leave me wanting more, you know? I'm glad we did kiss (again, since we did about a year ago, too) because I would have wondered about it if we hadn't but I am a little disappointed in the fact that it was just...okay. We're attracted to each other, totally, but I guess we'll end up as friends. We've been back and forth on this as long as we've known each other. Time to face the fact. I also think he's kinda miffed in his ego that I am not all about him, that he's in competition with a man 3000K miles away, and I love it.

Malted Milk

blahg

gonads

in the game

Fridge saga

bearded lady

my life now is poo

i am getting boring in my old age

eye candy

rings and tears

Hellaware

dating 101

fighting blue cocks

spring fling

the big top

He's just so...little

loop de loop

Sayonara

phones

rainy day

yay

Thanks J

San Diego

hasta

May is soon!

tick tock

My mother, the disordered eater

the saga

Jerky

FLAKES

oh boo to the hoo

Mujeres!!!

beginning to loathe

bullwhip

feelin' loving and smooshy

Ouch

Thin Farts

SKOOL SUX

furry meat

5K...why am I such a lazy ass?

slant eyes

never too late...

yawn

yawn

Cabeza de Crack

soooo

Malted Milk: Resolution 2005

stupid beer men!

*(^%#*&^%

Busy

Picco oh oh oh!

farts

beer me

Tortillas

Xmas is stupid.

i need hiking shoes!

Bubbles

phew

meow

blub

stupid stupid stupid day

Swoosh

Flakes

Whip

Blahs

Meh

Gobble

Nutrigenomics

*dance*

All alone, just me and George DeBoeuf

Blah

CO-WORKERS!!!

stupid work rant

too too late for A!

trains in the night

exercise vs. skool

Mullet

Halloweiner

woof

Puuuur-Dix

(^%#&^%

dance